My little also looked me right in the eyes a couple weeks ago, and for the first intentional time, said, "Mama." I have never experienced greater heart swell than that moment. He had slept pretty much all night, and I was getting ready to wake him up. He opened his eyes and started waving at me. After becoming more alert, he flashed a smile and said, "Mama." I could have exploded with joy! YES! MAMA! I AM YOUR MAMA!! My kid knows me! Knows who I am to him!! In this middle of this, God pulled me into Luke 15, with the parables of the lost coin and the lost sheep.
In both parables, the owners lose something valuable, one a sheep and one a coin. When the items are found, they both call friends and neighbors to celebrate it’s return. Jesus parallels this to when one sinner repents, there is even greater rejoicing in Heaven and among the angels. (Luke 15:1-10)
So in the middle of my “Mama” moment, when I could have exploded with joy and was beaming with pride that I never knew before I was a parent, God whispered to my heart, “Lisa, the first time you looked at me and said, “Abba,” all of Heaven felt the way you feel right now.”
Whoa.
I choked on unexpected tears as I was now being showered with the love and approval I was pouring onto my son. To be in a position where all the joy I could contain was gushing out of me, and simultaneously have all the delight of Heaven cascading over me… I have tried to put words to this, and there simply aren't any. I think I was caught off guard because I didn't open my eyes and look at the Lord and just recognize the love that was before me, the way my little one did. I cried out to God at the depths of brokenness throwing curses and challenging any goodness that could exist, having abandoned all hope. The grace God exhibited in that moment, receiving such a fractured image of Himself for the sake of love, and all of Heaven exploding with joy is something I don’t think I will ever fully understand.
I've been trying to get him to say it again, but as most moms will tell you, it’s a futile exercise. He knows me, and knows who I am to him, and that I will be there when he calls out to me, and until he decides to say “Mama” again, I can be confident in these. This reminds me of the rest of Luke 15, where there’s a son that leaves his Father, squanders his inheritance and comes back only at the risk of starvation, asking his father to take him back as a hired man. The Father receives his son and fully restores him and again, there is great celebration. (Luke 15:11-32) If you’re a parent who is anguished over a child who has not cried out to Abba in awhile, let this be good news! The one whom we are adopted through was not sent to condemn the world, but save it, and our Abba is waiting patiently, receiving all who come to him with feast and celebration. Even in the story, after spitting on his father’s life work and scattering it across the laps of prostitutes, the son knew he could go home. He knew his Father, and that his Father was merciful.. If we have put our children before Abba, they know Him too, His voice and His touch, even if it’s been awhile. If you’re not confident they remember him, He has promised to never leave or forsake us, and much in the same way we don’t stop trying to get our littles to recognize us, He doesn’t stop trying to get His kids to recognize Him; And what joy there is in Heaven when one turns and cries out to him. Joy I've only known having been called Mama.
