Tantrums

We are just starting to move into the phase called, "the terrible 2's," and man, whoever came up with that name wasn't kidding. Our little guy, moving closer to independence everyday, has no difficulty expressing to us what he wants and when he wants it. The problem is when our answer is no. I think most of us would agree that attempting to reason with a 2 year old is an exercise in futility. I mean, they're pretty much not interested in logic when they're throwing themselves on the ground, screaming over being told they may not draw on the wall or have another cookie. Yet a few weeks ago, in the middle of one of those tantrums, I heard my husband say this to our son: "Every moment you fight me for control is a moment nothing gets done. This is not the battle you want to choose. Let the frustration bleed off and realize I'm right." Whoa!!! Even though my son didn't exactly hear what my husband was trying to say, I heard the Holy Spirit loud and clear. It got me thinking of all the ways we fight God for control through throwing our own version of tantrums. How does the Father react, and how can I integrate His perspective into my parenting?

The Father does not respond to manipulation: In Numbers 20, God tells Moses to talk to a rock to bring water out of it for the Israelites. Moses instead relies on his previous experiences and strikes the rock. God tells him that because Moses didn't trust God enough to honor His holiness in front of the assembly, he would no longer be able to enter the promised land. In Deuteronomy 3, Moses turns around and starts pleading with God, saying, "Sovereign Lord, you have begun to show your servant your greatness and your strong hand. For what god is there in heaven or on earth who can do the deeds and mighty works that you do? Let me go over and see the good land beyond the Jordan, that fine hill country and Lebanon." God's response: "That's enough. Do not speak to me any longer about this matter." (Num 20:23-26) Neither Moses' pleading nor flattery was going to change God's mind. Kind words don't make up for disobedience, and sometimes, being sorry isn't enough. Abba shows me here that the best thing I can do as a parent is be consistent once a punishment has been laid out. It's not meant to be overbearing or prove my dominance, but reflect that accountability is something we will all be held to.

The Father will wait for us to calm down and then he'll give us the space to articulate why we're so upset. The prophet Elijah called down fire from heaven, slaughtered all the prophets of Ba'al, went to heaven in a chariot of fire and also had an epic tantrum. When he heard Queen Jezebel vowed to end his life, he said, "I've had enough, Lord. Take my life. I'm no better than my ancestors." After falling asleep under a tree (where an angel of the Lord woke him twice to eat,) Elijah finally got up and went to Mt. Horeb, which took him 40 days to travel to. In that time, there's no correspondence between he and God. Only once Elijah arrives, does God ask, "What are you doing here?" Elijah expresses his frustrations at his hard work for God, his fear of death and feelings of being completely unable to continue. God then gives Elijah perspective into the situation he didn't have, setting him right. (1 Kings 19) Abba shows me here that sometimes, the best thing I can do is give my kids space to figure out why they feel a certain way, let them explain it as best they can, and give them my perspective. Doing this validates that their feelings are real, even if unfounded, and expresses that I want to work with them to find a solution to the problem.

The Father will not enter into our frenzy. Most of us know the story of Mary and Martha, and how the first time Jesus and the disciples stayed with them, Martha was running around in a tizzy trying to get the house ready for her guests. Eventually, she realized that Mary was just hanging out with Jesus and went to him saying, "Jesus, don't you care that my sister has left me to do all the work? Make her help me!" Jesus response to Martha was, "You are worried and upset about many things, but few are needed, and indeed, only one. Mary has chosen what is better and it will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:38-42) Jesus not reinforcing Martha's anxiety and validating Mary's choice told Martha that she was stressing herself out unnecessarily. Abba teaches me here that when my son's emotions are running high, I can bring peace to the situation and set him free of what he believes his (unrealistic) expectations are if I don't enter into his hysteria.

I know I'm using Abba's examples in disciplining my boys, but children aren't the only one who throw tantrums when they don't get their way. How gracious is the Father to give us examples on how to deal with our family, coworkers, and significant others when they can't adequately express their frustration, and succumb to blowing up? Satan is crafty, and will use moments when we lose it as a means of driving a wedge between us, encouraging us to cling to feelings of being misunderstood and angry. The Father would rather us remain steady in the call to accountability, give space for grace and perspective and standing strong as a pillar of peace in the midst of stress. 

Abba, so often, I turn to the internet or famous authors in figuring out how to deal with my toddler. Forgive me for not praying or looking in Your word when you have given such blatant examples in dealing with Your children. Help me employ your methods in the midst of madness, and let it's good fruit bring You glory. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Part 2: Waiting and whirlwinds

"Both my babies came early, I can't imagine what the last 4 weeks of pregnancy are like," my friend said as she looked pitifully at me. At the time, I was 37 weeks pregnant, and took her sympathy, as it felt as though I had been pregnant forever. I told another friend recently, who is expecting herself, that the last 4 weeks of my pregnancy were the longest of my entire life. Then suddenly, with little warning and even less time to get to the hospital, my second born was here. The brief 4 hours were a whirlwind that I'm still processing 3 weeks later, going over how in the world did I deliver my own child? (If you haven't already read, and you want more details you can read my birth story here.) I think pregnancy is a perfect modern illustration how waiting can be prolonged, excessive in it's demands and entirely exhausting, but relief and resolution can come so swiftly and completely that we barely have time to react before being swept up by it.

The whole experience actually made me think about the Exodus, and what we now observe as Passover. For 430 years the Israelites cried out to God about their being enslaved. The harsh sun beat down on them, exacerbating the already cruel treatment they were getting from their Egyptian masters. In Exodus 3, God says, "I have seen the misery of my people. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers and I am concerned for their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them..." (vs 7-8) For 430 years, they cried out, and had to wait for redemption. I think of myself and how at some point, much like in pregnancy, I would have just accepted misery and given up on the idea of deliverance. 

BUT THEN, as wailing began to fill the night air while the firstborn children of Egypt were perishing, Pharaoh summoned Moses and said, "UP! You and all the Israelites, your flocks and your herds, leave my people! GO!" The Egyptians urged the Israelites to leave quickly, in fear all of Egypt would die if they dawdled. So the Israelites grabbed the dough they were going to use to make bread and packed it into troughs, asked the Egyptians for clothes and gold and left. 430 years of crying out and redemption came so quickly that they didn't have time to prepare food for themselves for the journey. (Exodus 12:31-42)

The illustration of waiting doesn't end there. There was an additional 400 years of silence from God between the last prophet of the old testament, Malachi, and the one who would declare the coming of the Messiah, John the Baptist. Yet, despite those 400 years, 2 people are mentioned as maintaining devotion to God and righteous standing, and were allowed to recognize Jesus' divinity the day he was presented at the temple. Simeon, the officiating priest, took Jesus into his arms and said, "My eyes have seen salvation, which you prepared in the sight of all nations." Anna, an 84 year old prophetess, then approached them and gave thanks to God, speaking of the child to anyone who looked forward to the redemption of Jerusalem. (Luke 2:29-38) But the work of that salvation and redemption would still need to wait, as it would be another 30 years before Jesus was baptized by John and began his ministry. (For those adding up the years, yes, this is another set of 430 years before God would again pour out His power on behalf of His people, though the display would be vastly different.) Much like in the works displayed in Egypt, the works of Jesus were so miraculous that in 3 short years, it overturned the preexisting order of things, and put into motion the final redemptive work of creation, His crucifixion, where he spoke, "It is finished." 

The prophet Nahum says the Lord's way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and the clouds are the dust at his feet. What does that image convey? From my understanding of the Word, it means that when God acts, the action comes through quickly, is ample and thorough and leaves no room for doubt. I think the reason our focus tends to be on the waiting, and how excruciating being in that state can be, is because that's the majority of our experience. Whether it's 40 weeks, 430 years or the exact amount you've been waiting for that prayer to be answered, it's no small amount spent and it's easy to become frustrated, angry or hopeless.

However, moving our focus from the waiting to the resolution is found in doing more than being patient, or trying to be strong. It is firmly standing on the established promises of God. "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are all YES in Christ. And through Him, the Amen is spoken by us to the glory of God." (2 Cor 1:20) Has He promised that goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life, but you're under a boss that's hellbent on making you miserable? Has He promised that you will have all your needs met, but you've been spinning your wheels and still come up financially insecure? Has He promised that you will be healed, but day after day, that same nagging pain reminds you that you're not yet? All of God's promises are Yes, and our agreement with that yes gives glory to God.

Whatever your prayer is, I say amen with you. I pray that your focus would be shifted toward the faithfulness of God no matter how long you've been waiting and these instances would bolster your confidence. If you would like to write that promise in the comments, I would love to pray in agreement with you. Blessed are they who believe that the LORD will fulfill His promises to them. (Luke 1:45)

Photo Credit: Jim Reed, Kansas Dust Devil