Before I became a mom, I talked a lot of smack about parent groups. Gymboree, MOPS, playdates were all sad attempts to make the soul sucking, life consuming job of being a mom or dad fun. They were for parents whose conversations revolved so much around binkys, diapers and naps that they'd forgotten what normal conversation was, and needed to be around others with their now incredibly limited vocabulary.
I was so ignorant.
A lot of friends have told me that having a little one is an isolating experience. Suddenly, you can't just pick up and leave the house. You can't just go out for a movie, meet friends for late night drinks, or even go to the gym whenever you want. The schedule of your day now has to include nursing, nap times (for you and baby!) and relationship building with your little. Your plans also have to include an evaluation of lighting, noise level, presence of other children, presence of potential activities for your child, and a time frame for how long you are willing to be out, given they'll be waking you up at 3am because they're teething and will need to be comforted. A lot of friends don't have those considerations, and those who do probably feel as deserted and lonely as you do.
The summer I had my son was the loneliest period of time I can remember. All of my family and friends lived 3300 miles away, and for as involved I am in my church, I had a total of 4 people come to see us in 6 weeks. There were no meals, no offers for help and if it weren't for the loving, tender care of my husband, I would not have survived the tear filled nights.
I don't think that was ever God's plan for the parental experience. Genesis 28:3 says, "May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and increase your numbers until you become a community of peoples." Community was God's idea from the start. The only thing he declared "not good" was the fact that Adam was alone, and so He created Eve. He realized our immediate need for relationship, and a goodness that came from us being together. So much so that the acts of living together, eating together, worshiping and repenting together and sharing eternity are themes that exist throughout the bible, cover to cover.
Hebrews 10:24-25 says, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another- and all the more as you see the Day approaching." It's easy to get busy and overwhelmed and find ourselves on the outskirts of the life we once lived. The demands of work and family as well as any other curve balls the day holds takes all that we have and leaves us with barely enough energy to fall into bed at night, let alone meet up with a friend. This progressive exhaustion and subsequent withdrawn existence is where Mom's group saved me.
I wasn't introduced to Mom's group until 4 months after my son was born, and I was so depressed I dreamed and made plans to return to NY before his first birthday. In 4 short months, I have found sisters who understand and who are also pushing back the cultural isolation of being a mom. They have promised to celebrate my son's birthday, to share holidays with us and to remember things that make me smile. We encourage each other by getting together every Wednesday and whenever a playdate gives us an excuse. We have talked about family dates and introduced our husbands and children, we spend time at each other's homes, we text and call throughout the week, we pray and fight for each other's dreams. We're figuring out what it means to do life together because community isn't just important to us, it's important to God.
No comments:
Post a Comment