Tis the season

"Hark! How the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to say throw cares away..."

Carol of the Bells is my favorite secular Christmas song. I love how the beat gets in the body and demands motion, even to the point of stirring the soul. Even my little one loves that song, and is usually dancing wildly by the middle. Who doesn't want to throw their cares away and embrace all the season promises: family/friends, special homemade goodies, beautifully ornamented homes, presents!

"One seems to hear words of good cheer from everywhere filling the air..."

I think that's always the hope, but it never works out that way, does it? I encounter more grumpy, agitated people every Christmas, because suddenly, there's an expectation of good cheer, kindness and generosity that isn't expected the rest of the year. All year long, no one cares about their fellow man, and now because it's Christmas, I'm supposed to give of myself, when no one has given to me, when no one cares about how I'm doing? Bah, humbug.

Tis the season when the expectation rarely matches the actual life of real people. Tis the season where people feel immense pressure to perform to the standards Christmas carols and movies have presented and wind up coming up short. If I had to finish that sentence, I'd say Tis the season for inadequacy.

Not enough money, not enough time, not enough love or support, not enough generosity or kindness, too much disappointment or feeling too disappointed in, too much pressure, too many places to be and not enough self to go around. It's enough to crush the Christmas spirit we once delighted in and make us decide we want nothing to do with the whole season. I know this year, it's been super difficult for me to feel any kind of Christmas spirit because we have more month than money, and with the pressure to celebrate extravagantly, it has made me feel even my best efforts would be inadequate, and has left me asking why bother at all? Like many other days, there is no special event, no friends or extended family, no special food, a few small gifts for my little one and the rest of the day to focus on how inadequate my "celebration" is.

And then, there's Jesus, and the story of his birth. Looking at the circumstances surrounding his coming, many of us would label them as inadequate too; the King of Kings being born into lowly conditions, to a peasant girl, in a raised home and then placed in a manger because there was no guest rooms available, and the only place he could rest safely would have been downstairs with the animals, his first moments being filled with the smell of sheep and horses. His first guests were shepherds, because while the host of Heaven proclaimed his arrival, the rest of the world was preoccupied. (Luke 2) Word spread of what the shepherds had heard and seen, but it still took the Magi nearly 2 years to find him and recognize that he was THE child the world had been waiting for (Matthew 2.) There was no birthing suite waiting his arrival, no decked our nursery, no silver spoon or noble title, no velvet pillow for him to rest his head, no princes or kings to shower him with gifts. Seems like a very inadequate setting for the Savior to be born into. And yet, rather than become frustrated with everyone else's attitudes and expectations of what he would be and decide it wasn't worth it, he embraced the nature of his circumstances and came just as one of us would have. He would not let what others would dictate as adequate and worthy of celebration keep him from showing up.

So this Christmas, I encourage you, whether you deem your expressions of love to be adequate, whether you fear or have been disappointed, whether people have been kind and generous this season to you or not, show up. If you decide to wallow instead over a pint of lo-mein while watching Die Hard, no one would blame you, and many would probably join you in your humbugness, but today is a day worthy of celebration. For behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all people. Today, we commemorate the birth of the Messiah, who in the city of David came to us as one of us so that he could later die for us and rise again so that we would not face the pain of death. This is worth celebrating with our whole being, as the angels praised God on that day saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and peace to those on whom His favor rests."

His favor rests on you, so my Christmas wish to you is His deepest peace, releasing you from all feelings of inadequacy so that you might embrace His attitude, and show up to the day full of joy. Merry Christmas.

Waiting for the Father

I hope everyone had a gratitude filled Thanksgiving, where you had space to recount all the things we can be thankful for. I've always thought of holidays as excuses to extravagantly display what's in our hearts all year long. For me, it's the beginning of baking season, and I get a number of calls asking for desserts of various kinds. Usually, I have a couple chaotic flour filled days and then then the dust settles, the counter gets wiped off and I'm done for a few weeks. This year, though, is my first trying to get through the holidays with a TODDLER! It was adorable when he wanted to cut cookies with me, and visions of him growing up baking with his Mama made my heart warm and glad. But then came the piercing screaming when my husband took him back to the living room so that I could keep working. Who knew 2 days of baking around the clock would convince my son I had signed papers to give him up for adoption?? He reached and cried and threw himself on the ground as though I was taking these cookies as my new children. He's only 1 year and 7 months old, so there's no reasoning with him. He just knew I was paying a lot of attention to something else, so it obviously meant I didn't love him.

Hopefully, you see the lunacy in his reasoning. However it did reveal and posit one question: Isn't this exactly what we do to God when we see Him blessing someone while we're waiting for our answer to prayer to come?

As I thought about my son's reaction to my attention being elsewhere, I thought of the story of Lazarus (John 11:1-44.) Jesus' best friend had just died, which Jesus knew would happen, and He gathered His disciples with the intention on going and raising him. Getting to his home, he was met with Lazarus' sisters, Mary and Martha. My favorite verse, which lays bare the humanity in all of us, is when Martha says, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." After seeing if her faith was still firm, and if she still believed He was the Christ, he spoke to Mary, who reiterated her sister's words. Even though Martha followed up saying, "But I know, even now, God will give you whatever you ask," these women laid all of their grief and blame for Lazarus's death on Jesus. It was as though they was saying, "If you really loved us, this would not have happened. If you were paying more attention to us, instead of whatever else you were busy doing, this would not have happened. God will give you whatever you ask, and you were too busy asking for others and look what happened." The weight Jesus must have felt in this statement drew him to Lazarus' grave, where he wept. I can see Him, with His hands over His face, buckling under disappointment and all the hurt these women and friends have felt over this death, and crying out that sickened feeling He must have had in His stomach. He forsaw what was to come was for the glory of the Father, that He was "preoccupied" for the absolute best of reasons, but it didn't matter. All these women knew was in their time of need, Jesus didn't show up, and now, it was seemingly too late.

It is hard to wait for Jesus to show up in the face of dire circumstances, since debt, sickness, and general feelings of hopelessness don't give us a day off. Oftentimes, we fear might He won't be in time. When we see Him answering the prayers of others, fulfilling their needs, even providing for the sparrows while we struggle to make ends meet every month, we quickly interpret it as, "He just doesn't love me as much." We have no idea how long those who are being blessed have prayed patiently, have waited with bated breath for God to rescue them from their circumstances, but if we were honest, it wouldn't matter if we did. We are children who want to be the single concern in the mind of our Father, and when we are not, no matter the reason, the interpretation is abandonment.

So how can we be happy for those we see being blessed in the midst of waiting for our prayers to be answered? I think part of it comes from knowing that our Father is often doing other things that we might not see for our benefit. In my case, I was baking so I could provide for my family, which directly affects my son, even if he doesn't see it's effects until later. In Mary and Martha's case, He had something much bigger in mind than just healing their brother. In either instance, the love of the parent to the child did not waver or change. Remaining confident that God does ALL He does for our sake will help us wait expectantly for His hand to move in our lives.

I think another part is realizing waiting on the LORD is a practice that requires strength. Psalm 27 says, "Wait for the LORD. Be strong, take heart and wait for the LORD." Being involved in a community that will maintain hope with you, continuing to cry out on your behalf, and be with you in the waiting is crucial to successfully maintaining your faith and joy.

Finally, looking for where God is showing up in our lives as opposed to where He isn't can completely change our attitude in waiting, and give us confidence in His faithfulness. If when Jesus showed up, Mary and Martha realized that, (while yes, if He had been there earlier, their brother would not have died,) He was there with them, maybe they would have responded to Him differently. Much like if my little one relied on my character, previous actions, and the fact that I had not abandoned him, but was seriously 20 feet away from him at all times, acknowledging God's presence in the midst of our critical circumstances, that He's not asking us to remain desperate in silence or alone, that He is a God whose concern is never far from us can serve to bolster our faith.

I pray this coming season is one of merriment and abundant joy for all of us, but the ugly reality is that many of us are facing pressing matters. I pray that as we are pressed, we find ourselves against the Father, wrapped in His arms, reminded of the all the instances He has not abandoned us, surrounded with a great cloud of witnesses who believe on our behalf, and with the knowledge that if you woke up this morning, your story isn't over and He is still acting for your sake, even if you don't see it. Amen.