Look at me

I am the kind of mom who has a real problem with paying attention to my kids when they don't necessarily need it. I can spend 30 minutes easy on Facebook or YouTube, browsing memes or cute puppy videos, or checking my newsfeed to see if anyone has said anything poignant while the kids sit and play with their toys or are watching a show. I'm even tempted to insist they don't really need me when they ask for my attention if I'm in the middle of a Candy Crush level or an intense back and forth over chat. Eventually, they will literally grab my face and say, "Look at me!" Usually, their big eyes bring me low, and I'm ashamed that I've ignored them for as long as I had. When I finally do meet their gaze, their whole face just brightens, especially my little guy, as if to say, "Yes! Now I have you. Hi. I love you." One morning, while meeting that gaze and basking in that smile, it just sort of clicked: It's not just my presence they need; it's my attention.

My mom's group is in the middle of reading about being a Mary in a Martha world (if you're not familiar with the story of Lazarus's sisters and their initial meeting of Jesus, you can find it here) and it's really tough for me to just sit at Jesus feet when I feel like there's always something to do! In the faith traditions I was taught in, the focus was on whatever you DO, do it all for the glory of God (Col 3:17.) Great verse, good focus, but not for us Marthas. For us, even when there's nothing to do, we'll find something, or we will entertain ourselves with unproductive, menial time wasters we've deemed are rewards for all the stressful activities that normally fill our life. Before we know it, hours have passed and we've gotten little productive work done. Then, like Martha who was up preparing her home for her guests while Jesus sat in her living room only attended to by her sister Mary, realize that even though He's been there, we haven't actually said two words to Jesus all day.

Martha's "Look at me!" moment was when she asked Jesus to make Mary help her, and he responded with, "Martha, you are worried about many things, but only one is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:41) I think Jesus was calling back to her mind when David in Psalm 27 said, "One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple" (vs 4.) Jesus was telling her, "You're here, but you're not here. All you need to do is sit down and talk to me."

Unlike my kids, Jesus will wait for me to acknowledge Him. It's almost like when you're out to coffee with someone and they're on their phone the whole time. (Don't you hate that? I hate that too.) They're looking down, and you're staring a hole into their forehead, trying to mind bullet them to look up and pay attention to you. When they finally glance upward and catch you staring, the embarrassment is obvious, and all you can do is smile and say something engaging. Or what's worse, they don't realize they've been distracted and rude, and the reason they look up is to complain about what they've been preoccupied with (I am SO guilty of my prayer life looking like this.) Thankfully, Jesus is far more gracious with me than I would be with someone, and when I meet His eyes, it's the same message I get from my kids: "Yes! Now that I have your attention: Hi, I love you," and suddenly, whatever I was doing doesn't seem so important or necessary anymore. It's just like the hymn describes, "the things of this earth grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace."

Father God, it's easy for me to be distracted with this or that, and exaggerate the urgency of tasks at hand. I ask that You would give me balance today, to steward well the time You give me to complete what You've asked of me and the reassurance that the best thing I can do sometimes is just BE in Your presence. Thank you for Your grace and constant message that I am loved, and the way little children always lead me back to You. In Jesus' name, amen.