The Heart of Worship

My 3 year old and I don't have a lot of moments just us anymore, so when he woke up the other morning and my 15 month old was still asleep, we were both excited to spend some time one on one. He started by crawling into my bed and snuggling with me, and after a few minutes, we sat up and he sat on my lap. For the longest time, just stared at my face, the way I have stared at his so many times while counting his eyelashes or memorizing the curl in his lips. He put his still little hands on my cheeks and gazed long into my eyes, perfectly silent and before I knew it, he started kissing my cheeks, then nuzzling his face into mine. I was first tempted to check on my emails or work schedule on my phone behind his back, but I was so overwhelmed by his love, all I could do is put the phone face down and embrace him with all that I had. We remained intertwined in our cycle of affection for what felt like an hour. It was a holy, worshipful moment.

When we consider what worship is, we tend to think of icons, whether it be a cross or statues or even the picture of Jesus we have in our own mind, and the act of bowing down in reverence or raising our hands in exaltation. Even so, considering what David said in Psalm 27, there is no doubt in my mind worship is exactly what my son was practicing.

An older picture, but I will never tire of the way he looks at me <3

"One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple." (vs 4)

There are many aspects of God we might consider beautiful: His power and might, His creative ability, His character and nature, but it's the beauty of His love that provokes adoration leading to worship and causes us to gaze longingly into His eyes the way my son did mine.

This love is outlined in Psalm 139, where David recounts being knit together purposefully in his mother's womb, God's eyes seeing his unformed body, and ordaining all the days of his life before one had come to pass, and being marveled at all the thoughts the Father has toward him. (vs 13-18)

As a Mama, I have lived this very picture, of developing my little ones, holding them, counting the very hairs on their heads, and dreaming of what their futures will look like. In those moments, I yearn for them to grow up feeling as considered and cherished as David describes in the passage. There's an elation present in my spirit, as I know my feelings for my child are but a reflection of the affection the Father has for me.

Then almost immediately, I feel the pangs of those damaged parts of my heart, where I've felt forgotten by or cast aside by the Father.  The dull places that are either indifferent to or diametrically opposed to God's beauty and the concept of worship. The ache of such varied emotions reveals this world's alignment with the lie that we're on our own in terms of navigating life; the brokenness that says, "If God loves me, then why _____?"

When my 15 month old was just a wee babe

I have a number of friends who struggle with worship, and it stems from that place of questioning the love the Father has for them.  My mentor says that this is because you cannot love a God you think wants to punish you, but instead took His aggression out on Jesus. A God who is worshiped out of fear of repercussion does not produce a desire to gaze upon their beauty but to hide, to be as small and quiet and good as possible so as not to provoke their wrath. 

Thankfully, we do not worship Zeus or any other god who sits up high, waiting for us to screw up so that he can "teach us a lesson." We worship a servant King, a good Shepherd, who did not come into this world to condemn the world, but to save it, and understands in order for the end to be love, the means must be love.

Growing up, I remember singing a song called, "Heart of Worship," and honestly, I didn't think it was a great song, but the sentiment of going back to the basics of faith is a valuable one. The heart of worship is to gaze long into the eyes of a Father who has loved you to lengths you'll never know and pour out your affection, devotion and adoration as a response. He will return even more love, and you will sit entwined in glory, that magnificent beauty you were made to reflect, reveal and revel in.