Becoming like little children

I've officially been on maternity leave for 1 week, and the experience has been mostly wonderful. It's been nice to lay down when I feel like my body is telling me it needs to rest, to play all afternoon with my firstborn and even take part in family nap time. One unintended consequence is that I think my son has been completely thrown off by Mama being home all the time, and Daddy picking up extra shifts at work at night. The last few days, he has pushed every boundary, and the other night was literal hours of "no," "stop," and "don't!" We even went to bed early because I was done; I just could not yell anymore, take one more thing away from him, or attempt any other distractions. That night, I went to bed frustrated, telling my husband that I don't know what's gotten into him, and I'm not sure what to do, especially if his behavior continued. The next morning, I was woken up by a tiny voice shouting, "MAAAAAAMA!!" "Yes Baby," I said from the next room, before seeing he had escaped from his crib and was making his way toward me, beaming this ear to ear smile. He extended his hands upward and I pulled him onto my bed, and he laid down to cuddle. He jumped and laughed, hugged and kissed, and I was so grateful that the hellion I had put to bed had disappeared into the night and my sweet little had woken up.

In that moment, I felt the Holy Spirit remind me of Jesus' words, "Truly, I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven." (Matt 18:3) Many have speculated as to what He meant by this, whether it's the inherent trust children have, or the faith they can contain, but I learned a few other things from that moment:

Little children keep no record of wrongs. My son didn't wake up thinking about the frustrating night before, or recalling everything he could have done better. He woke up thinking about the usual things our morning consists of: wakeup hugs, his cup of milk and Sesame Street. He woke up with the expectation that life was going to be as it usually was, where he is received, lavishly loved and has his needs met. For me to become like a little child would be to wake up without the regrets of yesterday, and not beating myself up for what I did or didn't do. It also means not borrowing tomorrow's anxieties and worrying about what I have to do today to ensure my comfort tomorrow. It means meeting my heavenly Father believing that He loves me, that He is generous with His presence and that He wants to meet my needs. It's seizing the blessing of a new day and the blank slate set before me. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Little children don't expect constant punishment. My son didn't wake up expecting me to be angry. As a matter of fact, he didn't expect me to be angry 5 minutes after he was punished for doing the same thing I asked him not to for the 15th time. Discipline is the least favorite part of parenting, but like the writer of Hebrews says, we discipline our children for a little while, as we think is best. The verse continues, saying, "God disciplines us for our good, that we might share in His holiness" (Heb 12:10.) That said, I can't tell you how many times something goes wrong in my life or in the life of someone I know where the immediate assumption is that we are being punished for something that we have to figure out. To become like a little child is to accept the chastisement of our Father, and understand that while it's not going to feel good at the time, it's not meant to last long, and that He disciplines those He loves. It's throwing off the notion that God is an abusive Father, who is still angry from the night before, and that we need to do more to show Him how sorry we are. His character is such that for His own sake, he blots out our sin and remembers it no more. (Isaiah 43:25) We were never meant to expect to live under punishment.

Little children are going to stumble again. Maybe this lesson was learned later in the afternoon, but part of being a little child is pushing boundaries; is doing the wrong thing and being corrected over and over again. Their lack of perspective keeps their focus on what they want, regardless if that's a chef's knife purposely kept out of reach so they don't hurt themselves. There are many times in the Old Testament where God sounds like most parents, asking the Israelites, "How many times do I have to tell you?" That said, He never stops telling them. He never stops showing up with the grace necessary to mold them into becoming His people. God never throws His hands up and says, "Fine, I don't care what you do anymore." He is invested in us, even when we're headed in the wrong direction, and will leave the entire flock to rescue us from our moment of trouble (Luke 15:4.) The expectation to our children and to us is grace. Grace to push, grace to fumble, grace to fall, and grace to get back up and try again. 

I pray that as we become like little children, embracing the lavish love of God after our bad days, owning when we're being chastised and the lessons that come with it, and living in the grace necessary to stumble, that we are made more and more into the image of His likeness. May you be set free from any guilt of the past, and embrace the overflowing love of the Father, who never tires of showing up and setting us right.