As we are rapidly approaching the coming of my second son, my husband and I are narrowing down what we want to name him. Both names are unique, straight from the Old Testament, but one is so uncommon, it is almost unheard of. We like them both, and think they compliment each other, but are unsure as which name to use first. In trying to choose, I started thinking about studies I've read that say people with less common, more ethnic sounding names tend to experience discrimination in job placement and salary assignment, and I don't even want to think about the sheer cruelty of children toward anyone who's "different." The more I thought about it, fear welled up within my heart, and felt responsible for shielding my son from this reality. Is it wrong? Absolutely. Should I have to worry about potential future hate? No. Does this actually happen? Yes. So I've been terrified that in picking a name we love, we would inevitably handicap our child and make him part of a fight he might not want a share in.
I explained all of this to a friend at work, and she asked me, "Where's your faith? Are you trying to build your son's identity on fear of this world or on faith that, like this name suggests, God hears him, loves him, and will take care of him?"
Conviction punched me straight in the gut with that question, but she was absolutely right. I have been focusing on creating an identity for him that is world-proof and not giving much consideration as to how God would play into his life. As I thought about it, I realized it's something I've done for myself as well, and a common theme society pushes on us to embrace.
One of my pastors recently taught in our adolescence, we develop a sense of self that includes the opinion of the collective. We get labels, surrender what makes us special, and attempt the common goal of community void of conflict. I find many of us continue that trend into adulthood, even into the church, some not even remembering what makes them special to begin with until they are hit with their first major existential crisis, forced to ask, "who am I and why am I here?"
The Bible identifies us as many things, very few of which are world-proof. Salt of earth, Light of the world, Chosen people, royal priesthood, holy nation. (Matthew 5/1 Peter 2) Co-heir, Conqueror, Filled with the fullness of God. (Romans 8/Ephesians 3) are just a few examples of an exhaustive list. To walk around and live as though you carry the very spice and essence of life, created to bless others through a power that is not your own, with belief that you are able to combat and conquer anything that comes against you is brazen in a way that makes many of us uncomfortable. "What if the Bible is wrong?" "What if I can't be that?" "What if I'm ridiculed?" A Christ-identified life butts up against our world-proof identity and leaves no space to exist with a foot in each.
Jesus, in the book of Matthew, says, "The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money." (Matt 6:22-24) I know Jesus used the example of money here, but I think we can replace that with a couple of other things and still get the spirit of what he was saying: fear, self, man. If we choose to live in a way that bows to fear as opposed to faith, that is devoted to self promotion instead of sacrifice, and loves the opinion of man instead of the opinion of God, it means our eyes are not healthy, and that a great darkness blankets the truth of our reality.
I think it's human to create world-proof identities for ourselves, for our children, and to expect them from society. There is a strong allure to a conflict free, self fulfilling, promoted existence. But we are given a new mantle, a greater purpose, an opportunity to live interactively with the God of the all creation. The truth is we can't have both. Either we will trust that God loves us, hears the desires of our hearts and will take care of us or we will trust in our self made abilities and that the zoning we create around our souls will keep us safe and happy. I can tell you from experience that as risky and terrifying option 1 seems, option 2 never works. I pray that you will be filled with faith to jump into the arms of Abba as you live the life Christ has called you to, believing he'll catch you and never let go.
Abba, thank you for giving me this little life to steward, and for already using him to highlight where I fall short. Help me to trust You with who I am, and receive the name you've written on my heart, and call me when we're alone in the secret place. Break down the zoning I've built to keep me safe, and give me the faith to live audaciously. Cast out the darkness that has blinded my ability to see the truth of my reality, and fill me with the light You have called me to be in this world. I surrender my fear to You, and ask you to drive out the doubt that I am anything less than what You've called me to be: Chosen to be a co-heir with Christ, filled with all the fullness of God; A dearly loved child, called to be an example in this world of how far You're willing to go to restore Your creation to Yourself. And where I continue to struggle, help my unbelief. In Jesus name, amen.
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